I don’t get to spend that much one on one time with my (not so) Small Girl at the moment, mostly thanks to her youngest brother who is now well and truly on the move (and into absolutely everything!)… We can also blame her middle brother somewhat, with his apparent allergy to anything beginning with H (i.e. homework and anything housework orientated!), and his unfortunate tendency to lose both his PE Kit and lunchbox on an almost daily basis, which means we a) spend ages trying to find them, or b) spend ages scrabbling about for replacements before the next day…
She absolutely never complains that nowadays there’s not much time for just me and her. Come to think of it she rarely complains about her brothers either, even when the baby is going through a biting stage (which blinking hurts!) and when she is occasionally tempted to strangle her other brother thanks to usual sibling arguments. It doesn’t even occur to her that she might be hard done by. It occurs to me though. From the day your baby is placed in your arms, Mother Nature forever makes sure you feel guilty about something it seems… And right now, as she embarks on this huge chapter that is starting life in secondary school, I could quite frankly do with spending more time with my (Not so) Small Girl before she goes right ahead and grows up before my eyes, leaves home to go to University, travels the world, eventually gets married and has kids of her own (when she’s finished being PM of England of course!)…
The above outburst may well have been inspired by having to listen to each and every word of ABBA’S Slipping Through my Fingers recently, on the rare occasion that the baby fell asleep on me and I couldn’t move to turn the radio over. I have never really been forced to listen to that song quite as intensively before (I was kind of holding my breath so he would sleep a little longer), and it completely made me sob. In fact this actually woke the baby up, which meant I should have just switched the radio over anyway, and not endured the entire emotional episode…
So before she doesn’t need me anymore, we carved 45 minutes of time with just us in the flower fields (sans little brothers) last weekend (it’s a start!), surrounded by the most glorious gaudy colours, and bathed in the late summer sun. And in that time, I managed to confirm my hopes that she’s happy, and taking everything about this new chapter of her life in her stride (despite the fact that this school is possibly even more intimidating than your typical secondary school environment as a) it’s in a Schloss where all the floors and doors to the rooms look confusingly the same, and b) the children are there until the age of 18, so there are even more huge people to feel incredibly small and inferior next to. Although I am somewhat jealous of the first part (as a child who finished school in the 90’s, my lessons were certainly not held in rooms with gilded ceilings – in fact if you dared to look up in any of my classrooms you were likely to either be hit in the face with a prittstick that had been dangling somewhat threateningly for some time, or a big fat wad of chewed up toilet roll!), you can keep the second part.
Whilst we deliberated over giant blooms (ignoring the biting midges and the threat of earwigs – does anyone know if it’s actually true that they like to live inside dahlias?), I had time to really concentrate on what she was saying. I could listen to her all her likes and dislikes, which lessons were interesting, and who is the most annoying boy in her class. I also helped her revise for a couple of language tests (she’s taken on Chinese this year, I won’t be helping with that one!) without any kind of little brother interruption or a “sorry, I am a little busy right now”, from me… And in future, the odd afternoon alone is something I am going to try and achieve with all of my brood – although the baby obviously doesn’t get much choice about how much time he gets to spend with me right now!
And at the end of our time there, as she stood with our slightly over the top ginormous bunch resting against her shoulder, I caught a glimpse of the young woman she is becoming, and did my best to block that bloody song out of my head before the tears threatened. What happened to the tiny 4 year old that we embarked on this expat journey with?
PS. To my friends whose children will leave to go to University on foreign soil in the next week or so, I cannot imagine what you must be feeling right now. You know where I am x
Karen Langridge says
Bless you, your very right us mum’s do always feel guilty about something, but we shouldn’t really we are just trying our best and what beautiful flowers, lovely making that time together x
Emma says
Thank you Karen! (:
Emma says
Lovely post Emma, I know how you feel about not being able to spend enough time with each child. My biggest boy seems to be growing up scarily fast and between gymnastics runs, homework and the usual family commitments there are just not enough hours in the day.
I think you did very well to find the 45 minutes. xx
Emma says
It can be hard can’t it? Thanks Emma xx
Kate Williams says
I really struggle to spend time just with my eldest too – what a gorgeous place for some one on one time!
Emma says
Thank you Kate! (:
Louise says
As I go back to work this week, this is exactly what I worry and feel guilty about. The weeks suddenly disappear in the blink of an eye. I try my best to find one on one time with all three of mine. Even just 5 minutes at bedtime helps. You just have to blink and they are so much bigger. It makes the little pockets of time so much more special and treasured.
Emma says
That’s so true. Good luck with your return to work. x
Indiapink says
Reading this brought tears to my eyes, the years since you have been away have flown by. R & S were so tiny when you left it’s hard to believe R is learning Chinese at Senior school!
The flowers are stunning and I wish ‘pick your own’ was as exciting here! Xx
Emma says
Thank you Luce. I know, it’s gone far too quickly. You know the thing I miss the most is my family. xxx
Cass@frugalfamily says
Oh I know exactly what you mean about that song – it always gives me a lump in my throat. I know it’s harder for you to do at the moment with younger children but now mine are 13 and 11 I have one on one time with them much more often. My teen and I went to Cyprus for 4 nights earlier this year and loved the time we spent together x x
Emma says
Thank you Cass, love the sound of your break away! Maybe one day! :D xx
Sonia says
Awww it sound like you had a lovely time together, I find one on one time with the kids so important but it can be so hard to carve out at times.
Emma says
Thanks Sonia! (:
Trish @ Mum's Gone To says
Oh my, you’ve got me holding back the tears now. Time does go by so quickly and, I probably shouldn’t say this, but secondary school years fly by in an instant.
On the plus side, there is something wonderful about watching your children become young adults and even when they leave to go to university, that new chapter is so exciting – the relationship will change as you let them go but the excitement and pride you feel does outweigh those feelings of sadness and loss…honest! xx
Emma says
I hope I have the same relationship with mine as you do with Rory, it’s very special. Thanks Trish xx
Jen Walshaw says
Oh what fab flowers and I know how hard it is to carve time out with each of the kids and I only have two!
Emma says
Thank you Jen (:
Grace says
Well I’ve read this 3 times now and each time it has made me cry! You are so right my darling – mother nature still makes sure you feel guilty about things even when your children have children of their own and yes that same song gets to me as well. On the positive side, despite only seen her in little chunks since she became an expat child, it is so lovely to watch her growing up to be a very special person. x
Emma says
Aw, thanks Mum x
Mags Nixon (The Family Freestylers) says
Wow so completely understand what you are saying! I’ve been thinking this week that I need to carve out more time for my oldest (8) as the younger one seems to take up so much time! You are so right about time slipping through our fingers (I need to listen to the Abba lyrics!). She is growing up before my very eyes & so often I’m busy cooking or whatever and I’m realising how important one on one time is. So – this weekend, when the little one is at a party, we’re going to hang out. We often think its the little ones that need more attention, it’s less obvious but the older ones need it too. Thanks for sharing your experience. PS reading a great book called ‘Raising Girls’
Emma says
Thank you Mags. I hope you enjoyed your time together this weekend! :) I have Raising Boys, I should probably get Raising Girls too! (:
Victoria says
That’s so lovely! She is very special!!xxx
Emma says
Thank you. She misses you. xxx
Mary says
I am so glad you got some precious time alone together and what a wonderful spot you chose. I would love to trail through a flower field like that one!
Good luck to your Daughter in secondary school.
Emma says
Thank you Mary (:
Sarah Ebner says
What a beautiful post. My son started secondary school this week and I felt like it was such a change in his life – but also very much a change in mine too. And I was wistful.
Emma says
Thank you Sarah, I hope it wasn’t too difficult for either of you. x
Louise says
Sounds like a blissful 45 minutes quality time with your daughter- love the stunning photos of the flowers. It is definitely good to take time out one to one every now and again. x
Emma says
Thank you Louise! (: