Flowers for a recent anniversary. Not of the wedding variety (that’s next week!), but for something else almost as important – to us anyway – the Five years since we left the UK, and for the 3 years now spent in Munich.
If you ever need time to slow down and speed up in equal measures, leave the country you belong to most and move elsewhere.
It’s hard to believe it’s been five years actually, although in some ways it feels much longer. Five years since we took a break from unpacking our new life in Denmark. I remember sitting outside surrounded by boxes in the unusually warm autumnal Danish sunshine thinking “this is it, this is our new life, and there’s no turning back for a while at least”… And then before we knew it, that chapter was over, and I was suddenly sitting in a Bavarian Kitchen surrounded by boxes (and being totally flummoxed by a rule that I am sure our relocation lady invented that involved me providing the removal men with lunch. In a village I had just moved into, when I still only had Kroner in my purse, and no idea where any kind of shop was!)… I have never been one to give up anyway, but at times accepting our chosen path has been quite something. But, despite the many twists and turns along the way, I don’t think there’s altogether that much I would change.
And as with life in general, there have been both good and bad surprises along the way. I’ll start with the good – the welcomes extended to us both in Denmark and here in Bavaria. The cultures and experiences we have been privileged to enjoy despite our outsider status. The happy realisation that we have made a go of things despite threatening to give in, and go home on at least three occasions (OK, I should probably change that “we” to “I”!), and how proud I am of two children who have coped with change so gracefully despite having very little choice in the matter (I hope they will thank us for parts of it one day though). And of course, the part of the deal that Mr R has always kept true to his word – that as long as we live this life, we will see as much of our temporary homelands as we can, and that of the surrounding countries too. And last but not at all least, the new friends we have made along the way…
But (and again, as with life in general) there have been surprises of the not so good variety. The gut-churning negativity of how it can feel to be a true outsider (and on a couple of occasions an unwelcome one!). The (thankfully few!) long-term friends who no-longer have time to keep in touch, and the all too familiar “we never hear from you” when you do speak – as if by leaving the UK you are responsible for the upkeep of each and every relationship. The homesickness that takes over from time to time, and the endless missing of loved ones. And, the biggest demon of the lot for me, the constant wish to put down roots in a place that I feel like I truly belong to, despite being reminded of countless clichés such as “home is where you make it” – a phrase I have truly come to hate.
But I am proud of taking a risk as a family, pushing the comfort zones, and that our journey’s not over quite yet.
Tonight, I will raise a glass in celebration of what we have achieved, and perhaps to what we haven’t too. Here’s to the next 3 years/5 years. Prost/Skål/Cheers. Delete as applicable.
PS. Do forgive the navel gazing, but as this blog is a record of our time abroad these posts get featured as part of it from time to time!
helloitsgemma says
I’ve been following this blog for 3 years! 3 years! how time flies.
This completely resonates, in a small way, as you know. I do admire what you have maintained, I know how hard it is, and I still have the comfort of Country, language and culture. I completely, understand your views on maintaining contact, I think sometimes, you have to ‘let it go’. For us, moving has, in strange ways, cemented relationships further, distance and absence makes the heart grow fonder.
I love how you have made so, so much of your adopted countries, with brilliant adventures. Of course, I now know how much the ‘putting down roots means’ having rented but before that living for a good while in the wrong place.
I think you are perfectly reasonable to stamp your foot sometimes and navel gaze here and there. It’s a fascinating life but the flip side is a lot of hard effort to make it all work. Be proud of that! So what will the next chapter bring….
Emma says
And my Scandinavian one before that. And as I have met you countless times now it means I have the pleasure of calling you my real friend for five years! Thank you so much for such a lovely comment Gemma, it almost made me cry. What will the next chapter bring indeed?! :D xx
Victoria says
That nearly made me cry!! We miss you. Counting down the days till our Christmas holiday xxx
Emma says
Miss you too xxx
Helen The good life mum says
Its really hard to imagine you giving up after what seems like the 2 -3 years i have known you having such a love affair with Bavarain life as i visit your lovely blog seeing the beauty and inspiration you have offered your readers. Happy anniversary xx
Emma says
Thank you Helen. I try to make the best out of each location, but sometimes it’s a little bit trying! :D Thanks for following for so long! :) xx
Trish says
Just think, if you hadn’t moved to Denmark, we might not have developed such a friendship. I was so delighted when you helped me out with our trip to Copenhagen – and we’ve remained buddies since.
Hope you found your navel-gazing therapeutic. Happy anniversary! Xxx
Emma says
Thank you lovely Trish. XXX
Caroline Cowan says
A fantastic post. Happy anniversary. Well done. You should be really proud of what you and your family have achieved over the last 5 years. It’s certainly not easy to move abroad. It’s coming up to a year since we moved to Germany and I feel the same as you about so many things. All we know is that we are here until June 2016 and we are going to make the most of our time here. What happens after that, who knows! Congratulations. Prost!
Emma says
Thanks so much Caroline! Prost to you too for your forthcoming 1st anniversary! Is this your first Christmas market season?? Enjoy! :)
Caroline Cowan says
Yes, it’s my first full Christmas market season. My husband moved here in November, but the children and I arrived on 16 December, spend a few days unpacking boxes and then flew back to the UK for Christmas. We did manage to visit the market in Leipzig a few times though! Have fun xx
Emma says
Wow that sounds hectic! At least you were in properly for the New Year though? Hope you have a nice relaxing German Christmas Market season this year! :) xx
janerowena says
Very true – but when you are the one who moves away, the friends you leave behind seem to feel a bit resentful and abandoned, as if it’s your fault and you are the one with wanderlust and not your husband/partner. I came to realise years ago that I would have to be the one to stay in contact, if I really wanted to, certainly at first.
Emma says
Very true Jane. I have also realised that, I just hope that I am not the same with other friends who move abroad… :D
Jazzygal says
I am in total admiration for the journey(s) you have taken with your family. The journeys you’ve brought us along on too, through your blogs. I cannot believe it’s been 5 years…. I remember you making the move!
I also think you are giving your children such an amazing adventure……. xx
Emma says
Thanks so much J. That’s lovely. xx
Hey there world says
I so agree with the point that when you leave, you – of course – are expected to keep all friendships going. You are expected to come visit. And you are expected to be the greatest host when people come for a visit.
People seem to forget that it is quite hard to start- up a new life in another place.
Really like your blog – and funny for me to read, since I moved from Munich to Copenhagen:-)
Emma says
Thanks so much Kathrin! How funny you have made the reverse move from us! I hope you are enjoying Copenhagen, I really miss it! :)
kelloggsville says
But, oh! what a beautiful navel it is! LOL Nice Rose too.
Emma says
Thank you! :D x
Cass@frugalfamily says
I’m sure there must have been difficult times but your family are so lucky for the experiences you’re giving them. It sounds like you’ve had an amazing journey x x
Emma says
Thank you Cass. I hope I don’t look back one day and think what if, but let’s see! :D
Sally Sellwood (@Recipejunkie27) says
This is a very lovely post, Emma – navel gazing totally permitted as far as I’m concerned
Emma says
Thank you Sally! x
Frau Dietz (Eating Wiesbaden) says
What a really very lovely post – but I cannot believe you’ve been in Bavaria for three years already?!! Bonkers. I raise my cup of tea to you from over here: you’re doing a brilliant job :) Happy anniversaries!
Emma says
I know. 3 years, can’t blinking believe it! :D Thank you xx
Julia says
Great post Emma! Love the flowers! What is your favorite restaurant? Remember to add it to your Besty List! http://www.thebesty.com/abavariansoujourn
Emma says
I will Julia, thank you! :)
becky says
ah the world you see is so beautiful and your children are having the most amazing experiences it think you are rather fabulously brave x
Emma says
Brave or stupid Becky, one of the two! Thank you! :) x
Mammasaurus says
Wow 3 years already! I was just thinking I remember when you were a Scandinavian Sojourn!
Emma says
Thank you A. I know. Wherever we move to next, I am sticking with the name this time! :D
Rachel @ The Ordinary Lovely says
Happy anniversary! I know both sides of the coin, as you know. It’s a wonderful but sometimes bittersweet adventure. By the way, the feeding of removal men … true for Switzerland too.
Emma says
Thanks Rachel. It’s a funny existence isn’t it? :) x
Mari says
Love this post Emma, it is so important to stop and reflect every now and then.
One day you will return home and if you’re like me you will miss the places you have lived in.
Xx
Emma says
Thanks Mari. That’s very true too. xx
Michelle Twin Mum says
You write a beautiful blog Emma and this fits right in, I’m very impressed with your courage as a family to move and embrace the new. Here is to many more happy years for you all. Mich x
Emma says
Thanks so much Mich xx
Domestic Goddesque says
I spent my childhood constantly unpacking toys in new places, and making new friends. It gets progressively easier and you find that there is a certain type of person who is easy to befriend wherever you go. The homesickness never really goes though I found it became a memory of a memory if that makes sense. This is a great post- a reminder to those left behind that the distance is no easier for you than for them, that they are always in your thoughts even when you don’t communicate them. And a reminder to allow you to get on with your complicated life. For what it’s worth, from where I sit, you’re doing a fantastic job.
Emma says
Thanks so much Kelly, this makes me feel so much better about a lot of things x
Boo Roo and Tigger Too says
You are embarking on an amazing journey with your family, seeing and doing things that only most of us can dream about. Enjoy your time as an Expat, you have years to enjoy life back in the UK.
Emma says
You are right. Thank you! If we come back! :D x
Christine says
At least you’ll never look back on your life and wish ‘if only I’d done that’! We have expat friends who we see from time to time but mostly contact via Facebook. My son was just saying today how he wish he could live in another country so that he could speak a second language as fluently as their son!
Emma says
Thank you Christine… I can but hope! :)
Jennifer says
Happy Anniversary! You are right to feel proud, it’s an amazing experience for your family. I can understand the wanting to put down roots in a permanent home, I remember feeling a little bit like that for a couple of years when I was living between University, my parent’s house and my boyfriend’s house, I just wanted me and my things in once place!
Emma says
Thank you Jennifer! :) x
older mum in a muddle says
Many congratulations! What you’ve done as a family is amazing – your children a getting a wonderful upbringing! Navel gazing – don’t be daft :o). X
Emma says
Thanks S x
Midlife Singlemum says
A very poignant post. I’ve enjoyed reading your journey since Denmark and I look forward to many more years of adventure – home or away.
Emma says
Thank you R, likewise! And thank you for following our journey. x
Ginger says
You are so right about the positives and negatives of living abroad – it’s been almost 15 years for me and I have to say I was all but excited about moving to London from Belfast, where we had quite a happy and settled existence …
I do think there’s a truth in ‘home is where you make it’: I’ve met countless ‘reluctant wives’ who resented having to move to a new country, never bothered with the language and just existed in a little bubble of other expat wives. Fortunately I’ve only ever moved within the UK, but I wonder what would have happened if my partner had gone for that job in South America (cue grumbling (in German or English) about all that seafood and that if I have to another fiesta I will scream (in English or German)…)
Emma says
Thank you. I admit to not being that enthusiastic about learning certain languages when I know we aren’t somewhere forever. I bet I would be fluent by now if I knew we were here forever(actually I don’t, I am pretty rubbish at languages full stop!)… :D
Elizabeth says
Happy 5 year expat anniversary! You definitely covered it all – and very eloquently!
Emma says
Thank you Elizabeth! :)
Leslie says
Happy Anniversary. I can identify with everything you said…very nice post.
Emma says
Thank you Leslie! (: x
A Mum in London says
Happy expat anniversary, every word in this post is so true and accurate. Wishing that your dreams come true, wherever that will be :)
Emma says
Thank you. It’s a strange existence at times isn’t it? :) x