So. You’re moving abroad? You’ve either been thinking about it for a long time, and you’ve finally set the ball rolling, or your other half has come home from work and announced that his job is moving, and so are you. That’s what happened to us in any event…
In September it will be three long years since I stood weeping outside my London terraced home and waving all our worldly possessions off in a ginormous lorry that blocked our small, friendly and much-missed street for a couple of hours. We weren’t that popular that day I can tell you.
I will never ever forget the final goodbyes with family and friends. Or the trip to the airport that day we departed, hands clenching passports and one-way tickets to Kobenhavn… My husband in his infinite wisdom had kept all other important documents together in a brief case that he had found in the attic. A briefcase he had been given as a Christmas gift as a teenager by his optimistic Grandmother, and one that hadn’t seen the cold light of day for many years. A briefcase that (we found out afterwards) contained a set of darts from his university days. The customs and excise staff were very understanding, but when you are feeling slightly emotional anyway, it’s these little extra stresses that will set you off, believe me. But, dear reader, you will be pleased to hear that I have just about forgiven him!
And before we knew it we had arrived in the land of bikes and terribly expensive famous jumpers. A land that was to be our first foreign home for the next two years. And a mind-widening, mostly great experience it was too… We must have enjoyed it, as we wanted to do it all over again and have now lived in Munich for 6 months!
And what tips would I give to those about to embark on their first foreign “postings”?
Do your research.
Insist on a pre-visit (if you are with a company), and check out all the different areas before you commit to a house. It’s worth seeking out a good relocation agent. I employed one for our Denmark move, and I also found one for the German move as well. The Danish relocation agent proved invaluable in helping us find a house. She had her inner-contacts and knew of private houses available not yet advertised. The German relocation agent is now a good friend, even if she did make me look at 15 houses in one day on nothing more than a cup of coffee (and I had already chosen the first house I had seen)!…
Go with your gut feelings on things.
Looking back, there are things I would have changed about our time in Denmark. But as a first time Expat you aren’t sure about the way some things are done. If you aren’t happy with something question it. If it’s something as important as school for example, look into the alternatives, however daunting it may seem. For a move to be successful, everyone in the family has to be happy.
Meeting People…
When you first arrive in your new country, it’s so important that you start getting to meet people and begin to make friends. I know I have said it before, but say yes to everything. If you are a parent then get involved at school, seek out local groups and don’t just stick to the Expat circle… When we first arrived in Munich, we were invited to an English-speaking group here. When we arrived I found out that we were in fact the only English people. Everyone else was German learning to speak English. We felt like celebrities and had a great evening, and I have made some good local friends out of it. We take turns having brunches at each other’s houses. I made them eat Marmite. They did actually invite me back.
Learn the Lingo…
Do it. Book yourself some lessons as soon as you get off the plane. Just being able to say “hello”, “goodbye”, “no I really have no idea what you are saying” and my general life-saver “and you” which can be used for a variety of situations! “Have a lovely day” – “and you”… “Have a great weekend” – “and you” “Your driving is terrible” – “and you”… See? It honestly makes all the difference.
Skype/FaceTime
Both invaluable Expat Tools for being able to “see” and speak to loved ones at home.
And on a note about loved ones…
Plan your time sensibly when you visit home! Organise an afternoon in a pub or restaurant and get people to come and see you. That way you get to spend valuable time with all of your wider circle of loved ones, and not exhausting yourself by rushing around all over the place (when you could be spending time in Waitrose – I’m joking – slightly).
Get your Cook Books Out…
Your longing for food stuffs from home will have you giving Nigella a run for her money. I am not lying about this. Tough times call for desperate measures, and you never know, you may discover some hidden talent (we learned to make our own bacon, clotted cream, sausages and many other things living abroad!)…
Change the sign on the door to No Vacancies…
Don’t underestimate how many guests you will have in your first year somewhere (and some requests from people you haven’t heard from in years – cheeky beggars!). Do not let yourselves get overbooked. You need time as a family to get to know your new lives, constantly entertaining people is not conducive to this, believe me!
And do you know what? There are times that you won’t be so enamoured with your new life, that you will be desperately homesick and just need someone to understand you for once… But then there are days that you realise how lucky you are to be given such an opportunity, what a valuable experience it is for your children and how much you will learn about yourself.
And perhaps most importantly of all, until you have lived abroad, you will never ever understand how good a decent cup of tea and an M&S hot cross bun can taste when someone’s smuggled them in for you!
Enjoy. Bon Voyage, and the very best of luck!
PS. If you have stumbled across this post, don’t miss my Tips for Starting a New Life as An Expat post…
Sara (@mumturnedmom) says
Ha, this made me smile :) All very true, and the advice about making friends and connections is so true. I did this, and it made such a huge difference. I miss friends and family, of course, but I miss ‘stuff’ much less than I imagined I would, although M&S does get a mention in my Thoughts of Home post…! On the subject of houses, my husband bought ours in a weekend, not a method I would necessarily recommend, but it worked for us… :)
bavaria says
I think a tendency to be rather “spur of the moment” is quite usual for expats! I am not sure I could buy a house as quickly as your husband though! Thank you! :)
Lou's Lake Views says
Great advice Emma, the last bit about the M&S hot cross buns made me laugh because I spent a small fortune the other day on some M&S custard creams that had been imported (they were worth every cent!). Totally agree with your comments on Skype and cooking too :-D
bavaria says
Thank you… I am writing an M&S shopping list for my next smuggler as we speak! :D
Orli D says
Agreed with every word! We’ve moved twice also so far, and I couldn’t agree more with every word you wrote.
I love life as an expat, discovering new things, new places, new people. Sometimes it’s tough, but mostly it’s great :)
Love your blog
bavaria says
Thanks Orli, that’s lovely to hear! :)
Kate Takes 5 (@KateTakes5) says
Oh I love this.Makes me swing to the ‘excited’ rather than ‘terrified’ side of the fence :)
bavaria says
Don’t worried about the “terrifed” you will be fine! :)
Becky says
On not being so enamoured with your new life, there would have been plenty of times when you weren’t so enamoured with your old life too. But you don’t think anything of it because you’ve had a lifetime to get used to these annoyances. They’re just normal everyday things and you hardly think of them.
But when you’re out of your comfort zone, you notice annoyances that much more and they seem that much more significant. You’ve basically picked your life up and moved it to another country and it’ll take quite some time before these annoyances fade into the fabric of everyday life. But they will if given time.
A friend of mine emigrated about six years ago and she really struggled at first. To begin with, it was a romantic dream of living abroad, it wasn’t quite real and then it became real. It became real and with that came the full implications. Will my accent be laughed at? Will I be able to make friends? Will my qualifications be valid? Will I be able to find work? Will I lose the friends I already have? What can I live without, what can I bear to sell, what gets handed over to the shipping company…? It got so bad that her parents promised her that she could come back to England if she wasn’t any happier.
But of course, the things that were annoying her became normal after a while. Sometimes, it’s a matter of patience.
bavaria says
That is an incredibly wise way of looking at things, and incredibly right!… Thank you very much for commenting! :)
Sambrita says
Hi Bavaria-I keep seeing your comments on Pia’s posts, and I keep thinking to myself, “I should read her blog”! I dont know your real name, but I simply loved this post. Although I have had just one international move from India to the US, way back in 2001- I am still in my ‘second’ home,and not Kolkata! Just realised, that what you say above is absolutely what one must do..its so important to plan sensibly when you visit back home!! I am gonna stop by your posts more frequently now!
bavaria says
Thanks so much for popping over Sambrita! Planning sensibly is so important isn’t it? How else do we manage to shop for all those important things from home otherwise? I look forward to visiting your blog as well! Emma :)
Trish says
When I go back home to Newcastle ( from, ahem…Lincolnshire!) I stay put and the extended family come to us instead. Mind you, I sometimes forget what the real Newcastle looks like.
You missed out one piece of advice. Start a blog then you can keep in touch with everyone and share your new life with them! :-)
bavaria says
Dammit, I knew I had missed something out!! Thanks Trish! :) xx
Vegemitevix says
Fabulous! Beautifully written and IMHO every word rings true. Vix x
bavaria says
Thanks so much Vicki! :) x
Very Bored in Catalunya says
Great post and so true. My first couple of years out here I couldn’t move for friends visiting. Nowadays, I consider myself lucky if I get ‘like’ on a facebook status.
bavaria says
Thank you Wendy… Funny isn’t it! Strange how we are fully booked for Oktoberfest season and the Christmas market season though isn’t it!! ;)
Kelloggsville says
Wish I’d learnt the ‘let everyone come to you on one day’ sooner. We wasted so many holidays in australia rushing around houses. Now we just have an open day :)
bavaria says
Me too. It definitely takes the pressure off a little :)
Midlife Singlemum says
Great post. The best bit of advice I ever heard was to treat each new place as if this is where you will be spending the rest of your life. This way you will invest in the language and the community etc.
bavaria says
Thanks Rachel. I love that, I have never heard it before! :)
MsCaroline says
Do you know, I was perfectly happy in Seoul until I went back to the US in January to take Son#1 to Uni, and then all of a sudden I got terribly homesick. Completely unexpected.
(I know what it’s like to be the only English speaker, too, although in my case, my colleagues all seem very relieved that they can just speak German with me instead.)
Speaking as a TCK as well as an adult who’s moved frequently and now an expat, I think your advice on jumping in and getting involved is applicable no matter where you move, but has been wonderfully helpful in our move to Seoul.
Really well-written article and full of useful advice for the newbies!
bavaria says
Thank you Caroline. It’s all to easy to stay in your safety net isn’t it, but then you don’t get to experience the good things that you could be missing! Hope you’re over the homesickness a little now that Son#1 is with you! :)
Grace says
What a brilliant blog. I am writing this with tears in ‘my’ eyes Mx
bavaria says
Glad you liked it Mum :) xxx
Frankie Parker says
Crikey saw the title and thought you were off again… great post…..
bavaria says
Hopefully not for quite a while!!! :) xx